recharge

when there comes a time

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so. its the last day of 2007. in approximately 10 and a half hours time, itll be the year 2008. am i supposed to be scared? excited? apprehensive? strangely, i dont feel anything. one word, and i can sum up myself for the most part of 2007. apathetic.

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it was never meant to be this way. the fact that we have emotions means that we are supposed to feel something. wheres the passion. why is it that for most of the year, ive been missing something.

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religion – ive had my share of setbacks. with the mission trip and dengue fever, i know i was being told to refocus my life. and now that i look back at the year, i know ive tried some. but not hard enough. the most difficult parts? faith and accountability

academics – im quite sure ive improved from last year. but still, i didnt really care much. the only time i realised how bad i messed up was just before the bio exam. 2 days before the paper, i still hadnt started studying. so naturally, i panicked. after all, with about 40 topics to cover in 2 nights, who wouldnt. but somehow i calmed down and managed to mug for the exam. the praying did help. and then, i actually did better in bio for the final year exam than i did in all the other terms. if only i bothered to mug as hard for every test.

people – its only when i realise that our class is gonna be separated next year that i understand how much my friends and classmates mean to me. sometimes i tell myself i dont need other people. i can do it on my own. but i know i cant. so thank you everyone who’s been there for me this year.

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on a side note, i just watched i am legend with ellius, russ, shaunong and louis. its been some time since we last saw ellius. and im quite sure he’s taller now. so anyways, that is one scary show. it should be nc16. i mean like, a kid is gonna freak out because he sees blood in a show like kingdom of heaven? while that same kid can watch a show with vampires jumping out at you from nowhere? dude.

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and now i shall go off the comp. happy new year everyone.

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i dont know what i need.

theres so much more

if you’d just let it in

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its christmas. merry christmas everyone!

christmas eve was spent at home. we had our relatives over, so my cousins were all either racing cars on the xbox or racing toy cars. depending on their age, obviously. i was just lazing around, since my arm was aching from swinging nicholas’ wii around too much on sunday.

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sunday was interesting. i played for fl worship, and actually got to use my new pedals. although they were amazingly heavy. and i had to carry them around in a box since i havent gotten a bag for it yet. a different sound once in a while is awesome.

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so. about christmas. its supposed to be a time of love, of joy, of giving, of happiness. why is it that i dont feel it? its like this christmassy feeling has been fading over the years. is it because we now longer get interesting toys and presents? is it because i havent gone caroling in a while? or is it just because im asking too much from the season. in fact, i dont even remember what used to make christmas so special.

it could be that im not celebrating it enough spiritually. i mean, my spiritual life isnt that great, although i am working on it. but it could be so much more real. more. renewed.

maybe its the fact that now i just wish i was out with friends, out at parties, while im sitting at home with my family. is it wrong to want to hang out? arent the holidays meant for doing exactly that?

well, at least this year i wrote some christmas cards. notice the word some. seeing as ive never written christmas cards before, i took an entire afternoon to write 6 cards. which is all that i ended up writing. so if i gave you a card, its really special. (:

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its thank you time.

thanks calida for the iPod case and button monster. so now that i have a case, all i need is the iPod.

thanks grace for the frosted brownie that tasted so awesome

thanks yvette for the card and the. well. other card.

thanks jc for the card, sorry i didnt get you anything

thanks to nicholas rebecca and deborah for the xbox game. and the guitar handphone accessory thingy.

thanks to everyone who wished me merry christmas. <3

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school is starting. and ive decided to dump another project on myself. if i can find anyone else who wants to do archery, i shall find a way to get an archery cca. if not, ill just find the time to go to an archery range every week and shoot stuff. so anyone wants in?

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christmas isnt christmas

till it happens

in your heart

eye candy

now you see her

now you dont.

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well. i went to the science centre with my family on wednesday. it was, not as interesting as it would have been were i a 7 year old. still, it filled my day with something different. their mummies exhibition was a tremendous letdown. especially since everything was made of plastic, and most of the things were common sensical. or could be found in discovery box, if you know which magazine is that. i think i still have some copies left over from primary school days, now ive moved on to national geographic.

my mum dragged us to watch this robot comedian show while we were there. firstly, the hall entrance was just past the toilets. so the people behind us were all like. “WHAT! the show is in the toilet?”. then when we finally got there, it turns out its 2 so-called comedians, and whats more, theyre japanese. which means that we couldnt understand HALF of what they were saying. even better, their wonderful robot friend was japanese too. so it only responded to japanese commands, and occasionally didnt work at all. they tried getting a small kid up to talk to it, but instead of letting him say hi and stuff, they gave him a list of japanese words he could use. and when the robot didnt register what he said, the presenter told the kid “one more say”. which the kid thought was a japanese word and proceeded to tell the robot “wunmorsai”. or something to that effect. then he started repeating everything the presenter was saying, which actually turned out to be his feeble attempt at speaking english. after that, they got the robot to make a sound and asked the audience to guess what machine it was imitating. so someone answered microwave oven, and the robot shook its head and made depressing sounds. evidently that was the correct answer, cos the presenter asked the guy to repeat his answer, and then pushed a button on the back of the robot, making it nod and play happy music.

so we left. and went on to a digital art exhibition. that one was interesting. they had all sorts of cool things. there was a drum which u were supposed to hold on to, and when u slapped each other it would emit sounds. then there was a bunch of things that converted sounds, voices and drum beats into squishy lines, monsters and fish. there was a table with images projected on it, and when u put cups and stuff on the table, it registered it through a camcorder and had flowers or ponds appear there. most fascinating. and there was a giant labyrinth game where you tilted the projected board by jumping around on the platform.

ahh. i miss being a kid.

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on thursday, we watched national treasure 2. its an awesome movie, although i think the 1st one was better. in this one, the clues seemed kinda simple, not as interestingly cryptic as the ones in the first movie. still, it wasnt a disappointment.

after lunch i went to jk’s house. we ended up playing cards, ddr and stuffing our faces with wonderful food. it was suprisingly fun, catching up with classmates. the only thing was that sheu zhi had chicken pox and still decided to come. so russell isaac and i ended up eating outside the house. i so do not want chicken pox for christmas.

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on friday, since my brother wasnt at home, i ended up learning how to play mahjong. now i can gamble with both the english AND chinese equivalents of cards. im so proud of myself.

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next year is just a few days away, and i still feel like im in the middle of the holidays. theres so many things im unprepared for. i havent chosen my subjects, i havent decided whether to join fireac, i havent started preparing for world scholar’s cup, i havent planned for the guitar orch recruitment drive, i havent decided whether to join peiyi’s cmps group. after saying all that, youd expect me to go and prepare for them. except, i dont feel like doing anything. and i dont know how to start on any of them, other than studying for world scholars cup. gosh i hope ill be ready for next year when it comes.

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this year

to save me my tears

ill give it to someone special

tight

dependent

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lets talk about my day. since today looks to be turning out like every other day for the past month or so, it is, simply put, boring. the only tiny bit of intellectual stimulation coming from the 2 national geographic articles i read. one about memory, and the other about a interesting little monarchy in the pacific nation of Tonga.

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memory. whats it for. i think the important thing about memory is not what we remember but what we dont. at least, what we THINK we dont remember. the nondeclarative memory, if i got the term right. things we do so often that our brain remembers them, but our consciousness doesnt. thats the real important stuff. the things that keep us alive, the instincts that make us who we are. if you need to consciously make an effort to memorise something, well id say its not integral to your life story. still, with the advent of our wonderful societal system, it turns out to be necessary. in a world where your educational achievements matter as much as your character.

look at those we call disadvantaged. mentally challenged. like the one i read about in the article, he is incapable of storing long term memories. instead, he lives in the moment. and guess what? he’s happy. but which is better. to be happy because you dont know you are suffering, or to suffer because you know you could be happier. ignorance is bliss and knowledge is a burden. which would you rather have.

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on to happier things. yesterday was far more interesting than today has been so far, in my opinion. i took a bus to peiyi’s house in the morning, and stayed there till 1pm. we were supposed to jam, but somewhere along the line, the songs began to disintegrate. i guess it might have something to do with my attention span, seeing as im lazy to learn new songs. and sadly, since i cant hit lots of the high notes in songs, we dont have much of a repertoire to choose from. still, it was fun. his mum bought us kfc for lunch, crispy flavour. which i dont usually eat, but it seems the chicken isnt as spicy as i always thought it was.

so after lunch and a feeble attempt at learning “rough landing, holly”, i walked over to serene centre. island creamery. met sarah for ice cream, and its good to know i can actually talk to people. so after that i waited for the bus, went home and proceeded to get owned in halo 3. what fun.

and now. i have to rush off. no not to go out with friends, my mum insists that ive had enough. spending time with the family is so much more necessary. especially during the holidays.

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say it you fool

shock me

please

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i just bought my multi-fx from city music, using the money from my birthday and as an advanced christmas present. i decided to settle for the zoom G7.1ut, because it has a tube. so it sounded better than the korg ax3000g. even though i think the korg looks cooler, and is lighter, and is easier to use. i guess im not going to be turning the effect knobs while im playing a song anyway, so digital serves its purpose. still, i havent tried the pedals, so i sure hope it doesnt sound ugly with my tiny amp. at least now i have working cables, since my old one is messed up and doesnt work most of the time. my review, tomorrow.

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at the shop, this salesguy was demonstrating the korg and zoom for us. so he played on both of them and basically taught me how to use them. which was really helpful. but after he was done with us and was supposed to go get the product from the store room, his boss started talking to him. and scolding him for spending too much time with us, for being too elaborate. just what is he thinking man. his employee just closed a deal. if he hadnt explained in such detail, i probably would have just bought the cheaper pedal just because it was cheaper. and theres a really tiny possibility that i might have decided to think about it and come back another day. so whats wrong with being elaborate? thats what the SERVICE industry is about. people are HAPPY when theyre served. and when people are HAPPY, they are more likely to SPEND money, which makes you more likely to EARN money. gosh.

then again. its his shop, he can do what he wants with it. its just i wouldnt do it to my employees, but he can if he wants to. his choice.

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i realised i havent done much with myself this holidays. but thats fine. i doubt i was planning to do anything. after 3 years of december holidays being filled with camps and chinese homework, im going to spend 2 months slacking. well, have spent. and will continue spending. the only thing is, i hope christmas will feel more like christmas this year. deck the halls.

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i dont know how to say this

i dont know what to do

i dont know whats the right way

to say i love you

chosen

i salute you

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so. its my birthday.

kwong, zhang, jonas, samchan and peiyi came over in the morning at about 9 am. we attempted to play halo3 for a while, but seeing as ive had too much experience, i dragged kevin sam and jonas to play table tennis while peiyi and zhang raced on forza motorsport. we spent the rest of the morning playing table tennis and cards. coincidentally, while we were sitting in the common area enjoying the aircon and playing 5 player tai ti (is that how you spell it?), mr bernard taylor came in. i knew he stayed in my condo, except i dont think he knows me so i never said hi. but he taught the 1st half of the class POD, which includes samchan jonas and zhang. so they said hi. and everyone knows kevin wong, so. yea.

after eating canadian 241 pizza for lunch, which i still think is much more horrible than pizza hut, we took a bus to vivo. i knew there was a bus, but i never knew which one. well now i know its 61, although ill probably forget before i take a bus to vivo again. too bad for me.

at vivo, we watched the kingdom. after that we walked around for quite a while, visiting the cd shop, bookshop, candy shop, and everybody’s favourite, toys r us. come on, dont you just love tickle me elmo. and disney merchandise? its just so awesome. in the midst of navigating vivo, we ran into mr andrew wong. which reminds me, i have yet to read any of the world scholar’s cup materials. which according to pei yi are not easy to read at all. and not because they are complicated.

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so about the kingdom. which isnt my first nc16 movie, but the first one ive watched as a 16-year old “non-child”. no children eh. ive discovered that i have a rather unique taste in movies. well i do enjoy normal blockbusters and stuff. but it just so happens im also a fan of political movies. like lions for lambs, and the kingdom. i think that the kingdom is like an on-the-ground version of lions for lambs. the war on terror, from the fighters’ perspective. exciting. too bad zhang didnt think so. apparently he fell asleep. not enough blood huh zhang? XD

it was interesting to see how effective mass media like hollywood can be in spreading opinions. after all, who wouldnt hate terrorists after theyre shown blowing up innocent people at a baseball game. and killing the local police chief who was of so much help to our wonderful america. even if it WAS just a show. looked real enough.

i think the coolest part of the show for me was the last minute. where they showed a parallel between the FBI agents and the Terrorist leader. just a single line of what they said. “dont worry. we’ll kill them all”. if you dont look at moral issues of right and wrong, id say they arent too different. the only difference is who is powerful in the world now, who writes the news. and who isnt. dont get me wrong, i certainly dont sympathise with anything terrorists do. terrorism should be wiped off the face of the earth. but im just saying. arent they equally human. fighting for what they believe is right.

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thanks everyone for the presents. kevin and jonas for their awesome books, peiyi for that black fin pick, which ive never seen before, zhang for the graphic novel and samchan for the card and notebook. now ive got a journal, i hope. it remains to be seen if ill be able to make myself write in it.

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but before you go

could you read my mind

magnifique

it doesnt have to be perfect

to be wonderful

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so. my brother got his nokia 6120 classic today. now we all have cool new phones, except for my mum. who insists that her phone works perfectly fine despite the fact that you cant hear anything unless its on loudspeaker. oh well. at least my brother wont have to steal my phone to play games anymore.

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toys r us is quite an interesting place to be. we went there to shop for christmas presents for friends and family. and i must say, i miss being a kid. the toys, the cartoons, the innocence, the happiness.

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i have decided to get multi-effects from city music. and use them with my lousy tiny amplifier. so. does anyone have recommendations? i was thinking either the ZOOM G7.1ut, the Line6 Floor Pod Plus, or the Korg Ax3000g. For now i think ill probably go for the zoom. since its digital and interesting.

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i can feel the pressure

clean

if i could

then i would

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i just realised i didnt blog about my pseudo birthday celebration. well, here goes.

despite the fact that i think hardly anyone will read this, i shall talk nevertheless. for the precious few who do. see how much i treasure you dear readers? anyway. to the point.

celebrated on saturday. i believe it meets most of the requirements that one might have of birthday celebrations. there was a cake. there were presents. well, one at least. there was nice food. the only thing lacking? friends. still, my cute cousins made up for it. as with any birthday celebration for a bored 15-16 yr old like me, there must be a console game. so while my baby cousin was sleeping, i played xbox with my brother. and proceeded to get owned by americans on xbox live. after getting trashed, we walked around the estate with joshua. for a 2 year old, he gets violent sometimes. he has like these moods when he suddenly goes hyper and runs around bashing into people. but other than that, he’s nice and cute. so then we came back, ate popiah for dinner, and then watched some tv. nickelodeon ftw! and then it was mudpie time. oh how i love island creamery. then we took joshua for a ride in aunty sandy’s car, then everyone went home.

catch of the day: a billabong shirt, and 120 bucks of ang paos. which is really a good thing, seeing as city music is selling multi-effects for 350 bucks for their year end sale. now to convince my parents.

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after reading that fantasy book, i came to the following conclusions about writing. first, most writers put themselves into their characters. after all, you have a 20 yr old writing a fantasy story, obviously the main characters will be 20 years old. and obviously the main character will be a guy, who will obviously have some intricately fascinating girl in love with him. maybe thats why its fantasy.

secondly. i think the only way you can be an average writer and make it big with these kind of stories is by having more than one main character. because if you only have one, everyone knows he cant die. not until the end of the story or series at least. but if you have a group, you can kill them off and surprise everyone. of course, you could kill off your only main character, except then you would have no story.

who says it needs to be a literature book to teach you something.

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I NEED A BAND.

if you happen to secretly learn bass or drums, call me. (:

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this one’s for you

messed up

today is a bad day.

just

it all depends

it always does

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i dont have anything to blog about. other than boring stuff like what i did today. which was, as i said, boring. except that i got my birthday present from my mum, even though the 13th is still a week away. and its an adidas jacket. not white, cos it didnt really look nice on me in white. this ones blackish with orange stripes. yay orange.

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im reading a book called heresy now. its by some dude called anselm audley. i have no idea why i like fantasy books, it might be cos they are fantasy. unreal. what id call idyllic, despite the fact that people die, a fact which seems to be negated by the inevitable triumph of good over evil. oh and i missed out all the dragons and swords and old wise men. yea.

call me weird, but i just bought the latest alex rider book. its been what, 2 years since the series supposedly ended. well at least i THOUGHT it ended, but guess what! my brother spots the book at popular and i decide to buy it. at least it means i still have the complete series.

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orange jacket!!!

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some people wait a lifetime