void

of everything

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all that TOK is getting to my head. but its made me realise that its really difficult to teach a subject like philosophy, purely because everyone has their own views. while you might say that its conducive to discussion, i disagree. when it comes to things that are related to religion or ethics, a debate becomes useless except to the onlooker. the parties debating will have their own points of views, and be religiously committed to these. as a result, no amount of convincing will cause them to change their stand. because all of these biases and past experiences contribute to building a filter in your sense perception, you wouldnt be able to understand the other person’s point of view either. if you had been brought up to believe that there are aliens in outer space, no matter how much scientific theory is thrown at you, it would be difficult for you to think otherwise. or if you grew up believing that there was no such thing as a God, you would be able to find a flaw in every theological argument, even if everyone else sees no logic in your issues with the subject.

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and because im utterly incoherent, i shall not even attempt to continue to talk about TOK. on to lighter things.

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the MOE pre-u scholarship interviews are next wednesday. i really do hope i handle the interview well and get the scholarship. its not just for the money, but just getting a scholarship is reward enough. so today we were summoned to the board room to talk to the CEO. and its times like this when you realise the people in authority are actually just people like me and you, and not distant incomprehensible beings. when he was telling us about the questions they might ask, he said we might want to say that we had the x factor setting us apart from the rest of the school. then he said “but if all or you said that it would sound rehearsed. so some of you can say x factor and the others say y factor”. and then he said “if they ask you about the school and u cant think of anything, you can talk about me (:”. it was highly amusing, at least when he said it. kings are people too.

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i really hope i can go for the japan trip. in which case ill be in michigan for fps at the end of may. and 3 days after flying back to singapore, ill be off to japan for another 5 days. jet lag or not, i bet itll be fun.

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to laugh

to cry

to feel

always

almost

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the yls pre-summit briefing today showed me one thing about myself. i am somehow getting more and more cynical. about how things will never work the same way they do on paper. about how people are never what they seem. is it a good thing? is it a sign that im actually using my brain and thinking? or does it merely mean that i fail to see the good in life. which is not to say that i dont enjoy life. i sure do. i enjoy it even more this year than the last, there being fewer burdens to carry. but sometimes i just think about how some things can make absolutely no sense at all. but then again, if everything made sense, the world would not be as colourful as it is now. whether that be for better or worse, whos to say?

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i bought a cover for my ipod today. after coming home and talking to peiyi, i realised that if i had bought the clear, hard shell version, i might still be able to use it as a mirror. but then again, i shall be happy with what i have. even though its not a 32gb ipod touch in a leather pouch. so anyway. i bought the black jam jacket by dlo. its black (duh), silicone, and has a funky thing on the back for you to coil up your earphones. which was the real reason why i bought it, or id have just gotten the clear plastic protectors to stick on the ipod. and to make things better, the ipod fits into my speaker dock even with the cover on. how awesome is that.

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i installed red alert 2 on my computer today. and if you want to know why, its because henry and i were just talking about it yesterday. but the real reason is, i cant wait for red alert 3. it looks like its going to be wonderfully awesome, if not for the fact that its coming out next year. which just happens to be the year of our ibdp exams. darnit.

on a side note. if you have the no-cd crack for red alert 2 or yuri’s revenge, tell me. i hate using cds.

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and its 2 weeks to the end of the first term. with 3 more tests to go and a whole lot of work to expect, why am i feeling so dead. this is the kind of feeling you should get only after a year of work, not a mere 2 months. just what is wrong with me. focus, daniel.

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http://dlo.com/Products/JJcord_classic_Prod.tpl?command=showpage&cart=12037562372572397

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therapeutic talking.

1984

if there is hope, it must lie in the proles

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the smell of new packaging. the smooth curves. the crackling of plastic wrapping. call me obsessed, but i love my new iPod. it just arrived this afternoon and i just opened it. so much for studying for bio test. i shall sync first then study the new bio book that my mum is picking up now.

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ecstasy

iListen

only if

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life is just so fragile. just one single act, whether it be of rashness, foolishness or anger can cost you an eternity. and maybe sometimes it takes something drastic to wake us up to the world around us. to show us that we arent living in a wonderful little protected bubble. that the things we hear about on the news can actually happen to people we see, people we know, people we love, people like us.

and now i know its never enough just to hear and dismiss. that in everything, there is something to be learnt. so what if you know everything in the world but none of it even matters to you on any level higher than that of intellectual awareness. knowledge only becomes true knowledge when you question it, when you contemplate it. to be aware is not the same as to understand. i can be aware of your suffering easily. all i need to do is to let my brain process the information sent to it by my ears when you tell me about suffering. but only when i attempt to put myself into your shoes and wonder how i might be feeling if i were you, thats when i truly understand.

its all or nothing. your life and your heart, or its as good as not caring.

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on a lighter note. i ordered my ipod and speakers on friday. but because my dad was the one who ordered while i was in school, he went to capitalise the first letters of the words in the engravings. darnit. and when we called at 5pm to change it, they said it was already packed and sent off to be shipped so it couldnt be changed. strangely enough, the order status on apple.com still says it hasnt been shipped off yet. my speaker dock arrived last night, so now i have speakers and no ipod to use them with. all that is lacking is the most important part.

at least i know ill get it by next week. (:

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i realised my posts are getting shorter and shorter. its either because ive lost whatever inspiration i had during the holidays to write, or the homework is occupying my brain and slowing it down. either way, i shall stop here and attempt to complete the weekend’s homework.

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the bare minimum

the little things

that mean everything

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what is friendship. is it the open expressions of affection? the simple words of reassurance? the mindless talk to ease boredom? or just the look in the eyes that means i care.

can friendship even be measured. is it really worth anything, if it can so easily disintegrate into meaningless “hi!”s and byes. but then again, that only happens if you let it. so now i know. and ill not make the same mistakes again the next time. ill make it mean something.

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so our lives revolve around the little things that happen everyday. little, menial things that dont seem to mean much, until you put them all together and they actually result in something. tiny steps that eventually bring you somewhere. and it would be so much easier for us if we could actually see where our steps will take us. except that knowing where it brings us doesnt mean we wont do it anyway. and sometimes knowledge makes it all the more harder and more scary.

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for some reason i cant think properly now. someone save me. i just hate homework. dont you?

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when your eyes just wont open

and sometimes

it scares me

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the notebook is a scary show. it ranks right up there with AI. why? because it has a scary ending. no not the “BOO! AAAHHHH!” kind of scary. its the “imagine this.” kind of scary. and that i feel is the real scary.

it made me wonder. is the really such a thing as a happy ending. see, how can it be happy if its an end to something. so you live a wonderful life together and suddenly, everything is gone. all the happy, the sad memories. anything to show it ever existed. and maybe for a fleeting second everything comes back. but then it fades out again. so is it worth it? i think the only way it can be worth it is if there is an eternity. where for eternity you reap the results of that lifetime of work. when you can finally be happy forever.

sometimes you just cant describe a feeling. and thats when you know it really means something

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so the chinese new year break is nearly over. i believe i have finished my homework, and i sure hope i have. all thats left to do is to prepare for the next week. in other words, prepare for chinese oral. and study for all the tests. bad thing is, i have no idea which tests there are. i know theres history. i have a bad feeling that theres bio. looks like ive got to bring work to church tomorrow. just cant decide on which work.

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if i could just figure out how to stop microsoft office 2007 from opening whenever i click on a powerpoint file. i guess i could always just use up all the free trials, but then id have no means of opening a 2007 file if i really need to. for example if some teacher gives us work to do and saves it as an office 2007 document. not that that ever happens. nope, and surely not for math.

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i want to see

i want to hear

and it can wait

all of it.

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the cny holiday has started wonderfully. despite the fact that the cny celebration concert was a tad too boring, thankfully it was surprisingly short. and the best surprise of all came at the end. when the man came up to stage and told us that “since the sec 1 to 4s are being dismissed early, so will the year 5s and 6s”, courtesy of our wonderful patron governor. and in the midst of the joyous racket, 2 of the vps turned around and gave the thumbs up to us. well thats fine by me, so long as they dont give us white space.

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so kevinlim, henry, peiyi, mark and joshua chin came over to play tennis. while waiting for the rest, kevin mark and i played some halo 3. after which henry joined us, having cycled over. so we started playing at about 4.15, and joshua and i stopped at 7. seeing as i didnt spend the whole time at the court and had to run back and forth between my house and the tennis courts, i didnt actually play for 3 hours. maybe 2. eitherway, i feel totally dead right now. i sure hope my legs dont cramp up tomorrow.

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plan for tomorrow. do at least half my work. play xbox. and slack. plan for the rest of the cny holiday. not do homework until saturday. i sure hope i can achieve that.

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and yet again, i am left with no inspiration, no incentive, no instigation to write. to blog. to think. thus, i shall end this entry here, and leave to count money and wish for my mp3 player. whose brand i have as of yet not decided on.

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to finally feel

the long way home

but which home?

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another week has gone and past. in a little over 2 hours, itll be monday. the beginning of a new week. while some might say that the week starts on sunday, i think that to make life easier for us students it shall begin on monday. after all, sunday IS part of the weekend.

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and i have actually finished all the homework thats due next week. despite the fact that i just downloaded visualboy advance and now have pokemon and fire emblem on my comp. and also despite the long time ive spent staring at mp3 players online. well at least i THINK ive done all my work. and i sure hope so. because after blogging, im going to sleep.

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my internet surfing has been mostly the same as the period of time before i bought my computer. except this time ive been alternating between apple and creative. so i was thinking. i will try to go and buy either the 80 gb iPod or the 32 gb creative zen. and as with all things, there must be pros and cons. so for apple: iPods are cool. iPods can sync with iTunes, which is the only music software i use. the iPod is cheaper than the zen. for creative: zens have better sound quality. this zen has the same screen size as the iPod, but 6.7 million colors. this zen can play aac files too, but cant sync with iTunes. its more expensive by 70 bucks, but with the promotion it comes with free speakers. so i cant decide.

although there is a high probablility that i wont have to decide. scenario 1) i dont get enough money to buy either. scenario 2) my mum doesnt let me buy a new mp3 player. scenario 3) the creative zen remains out of stock.

why oh why do i spend so much time wishing for things

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so it was nick’s bday today. we went to his house, and played games with primary school kids, seeing as he’s p6 himself. at least deborah and her friends were there organising the games, so i wasnt the oldest. it was quite fun, seeing as the games involved waterbombs. and we got to play basketball too. after that, we went swimming, which was when i realised i didnt bring a change of clothes. and since we were playing basketball in the rain, i was rather wet. so my parents had to end up going back to bring a change. i hate having to make them do stuff. on the off chance that they get pissed with me.

so while swimming and having small kids climbing all over me, my leg decided to cramp up. and now it still hurts. i sure hope its ok tomorrow, or ill just die during pe. grrr.

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the sermon today reminded me of something. in everything we do, it must be worship unto our Lord. and therefore we must always remember to give thanks to him. which made me realise how good He has been to me this weekend. i mean, at first i didnt like the prospect of having to change chinese class. but if you think about it, if i hadnt changed classes just before the weekend, i would have to hand in my chinese project tomorrow. which i would not have been able to complete, since i only barely finished all the other homework. awesomeness.

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decisions, decisions.