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AWAY IN KINABALU TILL THE 4TH

 

CALL IN CASE OF EMERGENCY

faces

in your head

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so im back. that was one heck of an interesting experience. firstly, all of the free stuff. in fact, everything was free since we didnt pay for any of it, unless you count the tax dollars that contribute to the military budget. even then, 6 meals a day and lots of goodie bags is just too awesome. although it really sucks that mine happened to be the ONLY one with NO SWISS ARMY KNIFE. rawrrawrrawrrawr. i want a swiss army knife.

apart from the interesting (somewhat) talks, i guess the highlight really was the demonstrations. theres a feeling of power but apprehension when you fire a heavy machine gun. especially when the sound still makes your ears ring despite wearing ear plugs and a helmet. a flight in a chinook helicopter is just awesome. for once we got to see the singapore skyline from the sky. and feel the cold air. yayz. and the trip on the massive LST ship was cool too. just that im pretty sure i wouldnt want to live in it. its much too cramped. the smaller boats that we rode on were awesome stuff though.

evidently i am not very coherent now. not only that, i seem to be slower at typing now, after 3 days away from the computer. with no computer, no ipod, and a 7 year old phone with no battery, i have been deprived of technology Especially since they didnt let us charge our phones in the camp. so i ran out of battery and couldnt call my dad while i was waiting at boon lay to get picked up. SIANZ. plus the stupid old phone with the mega big text makes me feel weird when i look at my E65 with its tiny font. 

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ive seen 2 awesome computers in the last 2 days. the first are the army laptops. HP laptops with Nvidia graphics, a 17 inch screen, and a number pad on the keypad. why cant we all have such hard core laptops sigh. and the next, my brother’s new comp. the casing with the glass panel makes everything look cooler. although if i were him i would have built it with a better graphics card. still i guess the 9600GT will suffice. and a decent enough processor and hard drive. i wish i had a computer to build too.

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i really cant think properly now. and so i shall cease my typing here.

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in remembrance

i feel you

even now i’m at your window

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it’s been one heck of a month. the first half of the holidays, gone by in a flash. somehow i feel like ive gone out more this holidays than i have my entire life. although that’s not quite possible. still its been a fun month, even though i havent made much (if any) progress on my work. deans list, guitar, chem oly, cip, band practice. all these awesome experiences packed into 30 days (or less). 

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i hope i dont get addicted to this going out thing. its like i have all these plans to go out again in december but as of yet i have no idea what im going to do. between camps and tok and world lit, i wonder if ill even have time. still, i dont think friends have ever factored in so heavily in my holidays before. surprisingly i havent even watched any full seasons of shows yet. and pretty few movies. and computer games. considering how much time i spend on games and shows before and during the exams, its like my time during the holidays is just disappearing. sigh.

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one month to go. and time to start making the most of it. but for now, im off to the MINDEF Internship Camp thingy. i sure hope itll be awesome fun. and i hope my flu disappears by the time i wake up tomrrow morning. 

—————-

miss me much?

light

me up

——————

the man found himself in the middle of a plain. a vast expanse with nothing moving in sight, bordered only by mountains so huge their snowy peaks were lost in the clouds. to his left he could see the shade of trees and lush greenery in the distance, but beyond lay treacherous looking valleys, dotted with volcanic flows. on the right lay nothing but desert, a winding road leading through it past sporadic pools of water and little groves. yet in the distance to the right he could see a blinking light, and what he thought was a silhouette of a massive city on a hill. confident of his stamina and curious to see what that mysterious citadel held, he set off on the road to the right.

that was many moons ago. now, every step he took brought him onto harder ground. looking back he could no longer see the lava-filled valleys, his tired eyes focusing only on the seemingly utopian sight of distant trees and waterfalls. the longer he stared, the more the road seemed to widen and grow easier to travel as it stretched out behind him. just as the path ahead grew thinner and less travelled, pockmarked with potholes and sharp gravel. the only thing that kept him moving was the shining city, growing larger and larger. but deep in his heart, he feared that one day it would be too much. that the prospect of distant wonder would lose its appeal. that one day he would give up and turn back. and somehow he knew that if he ever did that, he would never see the city again.

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so the chem oly results are out. congratulations and kudos to the 4 who got in, such geniuses they are. i guess i shouldnt be very disappointed or upset, seeing as i didnt have much of a chance. what with my aversion to studying. but still, i guess some part of me was hoping for that stroke of luck that might let me see my name on the list. alas it is not to be. and perhaps i am better off for it.

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rhythm and rhyme is now over, and working with the kids was immense fun. just seeing them smile at you, or watching their enthusiastic faces as they eagerly share their favourite cartoons characters with you is wonderfully joy-inducing. and i guess what stuck out most was the kid who grabbed me in the morning and started explaining to me how to build a stable bridge and skyscraper. talking about wind tests and collapsing structures. sigh if only he could read and write as well as he could talk.

smart kiddies ftw.

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we could be anything/anyone

more than

enough

—————

how easy it is for us to blame our shortcoming on others. well we’re only human after all. mortal beings prone to mistake, imperfect entities who will never get a 100% success rate. and yet all that does nothing to absolve us from the duty of at least trying.

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today was a fun day. waking up at 830 and taking 17 minutes to get to clementi blk 437. helping to tag the children coming in and eventually making friends with my group. as it turns out, the only way to get to 2 out of 4 of the kids in my group was to engage them in a discussion of games and tv. thankfully im childish enough to watch cartoon network and hence could respond when they launched into a discussion on which alien in ben10 is the best. one more eventually joined in the talk, which left only one sitting quietly by himself at the side. thankfully by lunchtime he had warmed up and started talking. it was quite heartening to see the boy who had only responded my questions with a shrug of his shoulders inviting me to sit next to him for lunch. k2 kids are interesting people indeed.

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its amazing what you can do to my head.

contemplation

indecision

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chem oly is over, and in more ways than one. still i suppose for the effort i put in, i couldnt expect much more. although it would have been comforting if i had been able to understand more of the questions instead of having to guess almost all of them. and i do suppose that since i was the first from our school to leave the hall, it means that the others were still trying the questions. which i had given up on.

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on with the rest of the holidays. cas, ee, tok, world lit. i only hope i get working on them soon enough not to render myself killed by deadlines.

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there’s something wrong with my right hand. its like the ligaments are stuck or something. maybe its too much computer. or too much writing. or too much guitar hero, which i havent actually played much. sigh i hope this weird feeling goes away.

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today was a fun day, nonetheless. guitar hero in the morning/afternoon, watching adwyn pwn all the songs on expert. going to the student’s care centre and getting briefed by a rather amusing staff member who doesnt seem to think very highly of k2 kids. and then ending up eating a rather weird popiah because SOMEONE thought there was a mcdonalds when there actually wasnt. i want my mcflurry still, i cant wait for tomorrow. the small kids oughta be interesting.

——————–

and if you can make anything out of this mess, i applaud thee.

——————–

and if you knew

what would you do

too much

too soon

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in approximately 2 and a half hours, i will be sitting in NUS LT 27 with a bunch of absolutely difficult chem questions in front of me. hopefully at that time my mind wont be blank and i will be writing stuff down on the paper. if not, thats gonna be 4 hours of being unable to answer questions, which is going to suck. badly. i guess its a bit too late to say i should have started practicing earlier, but yesterday was a relatively fruitful day, compared to the entire week before. so hopefully all the stuff that i learnt yesterday from 8 to 5 will stay in my head. at least till 5pm today.

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a blink of an eye and half the holidays are gone, with little or nothing to show for it. not even significant progress in the shows ive watched or the games ive played. somehow it feels like ive been unable to do anything. so i have gotta start working tomorrow. otherwise i am well and truly screwed. ohwell. thats life.

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This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We’ve got the vision, now let’s have some fun.
Yeah, it’s overwhelming, but what else can we do.
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute.

Forget about our mothers and our friends
We’re fated to pretend
To pretend
We’re fated to pretend
To pretend

I’ll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms
I’ll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world
I’ll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home
Yeah, I’ll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.

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because that somebody

could be me.

a reason

to smile

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this would have been an attempt at deciphering the kaleidoscope that is emotion. this would have been a chance to grumble about how sleepy i was in school and how i didnt understand 3/4 of what we learnt. but it isnt, because i am going to be happy.

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to all the people who dropped by yesterday, im sorry if my reaction didnt seem to do the present nor the visit justice. i guess i was just stunned and happy at the same time and hence didnt really show it. besides, you’d probably never see me cry. but i love you guys anyway, and thanks for everything. and to think its not even my birthday yet. (:

and before i start reading chem, i shall take this opportunity for thankyous.

henry: for being there at every tech purchase this year. for being such a caring friend over the years, and for all the project works we’ve done. 

rene: for being someone i can fight over marks for every time and for being so entertaining (in a good way, of course).

zhang: for being so wonderfully random that every moment with you is never boring. and for all the long emo conversations about nothing at all. (:

samchan: for the myriad of conversations about life, the universe and everything. the questions and encouragement, it helps, a lot.

louis: emobuddy! for all the random conversations in the car.

kevin wong: for being such a nice friend for all these years. and for being a living reminder that you dont need a reason to be nice.

kevin low: for the random outbursts into song and dance. theyre awesomely fun.

russell chan: for being someone i can look up to, and for being a great friend and making time even though youre always busy.

kevin lim: for the encouragements and care, which you never seem to run out of.

peiyi: pyongyang twins ftw. for always being around (:

mark: for always staying calm and for trying to convince me to go for camp. i still havent decided yet though XD

adwyn: for all the fascinating antics. youre much too interesting.

tony: for being too awesome for words. and ive still not finished learning how to stone from you. well and guitar too. i’d be terribly bored at practice otherwise.

junyi: for all the anime, and nippon stuff. its good to have obsessions (:

daniel yeo: WINDOWS FTW. and for all the tech advice. and movies. and games. heh.

gingting: for being such an interesting math buddy. (:

isaac: for having such an awesome singing voice. and for staying to play for a bunch of old dancers. 

job: for being easy to talk to. and having awesome music skillz.

benedict: for being a part of all this even though i havent talked to you for really long (:

joyce: for be such a cereally awesome friend this year and always being there to listen. for letting me entertain myself with your (possibly non-existent) scandals. (:

ariel: for never getting tired of entertaining everyone (: and for listening.

ada: for the conversations during bio and about guitars. 

sheryl: for managing to be interesting while being stoned. and for the math help.

geri: for using a windows! and being friendly

 

i <3 everyone.

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now i just have to get the cymbal replaced, and you guys can come over whenever you want. you might just want to call first the next time though XD. 

THANK YOU EVERYONE!

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now to get started on chem. 

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i’ll be your reason

if you’d let me

yearn for

what we were

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yet another visit to peacehaven, an hour or two of singing and talking to the old folks and what we call ministry. but as i realised, a lot of it depends on whether we think about what we’re doing for them. it takes almost no effort on our part to sing a few simple songs, strum a couple of easy chords on the guitar and give them craft and food. but yet it could mean so much to them, a simple smile, a loving handshake, a heartfelt gift. to live a life continually dependent on other people, to know that youre suffering, how much a word must mean. even to us able-bodied young people with what seems like a whole chain of opportunities ahead of us, a caring word, a touch, a hug, can mean so much. what more for these welfare receivers.

it brings such joy to see them smiling back at us. to hear the old man, blind though he may be, singing his lungs out in an off key rendition of Jesus loves me. to hear thank you coming in english, chinese and dialect from the wheelchair-bound old lady. and even in the terminal wards where they do not respond to us, the assurance that a work is being done here, and that we do not labour in vain.

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and yet when we return home, it is so difficult to refrain from a self-centered bout of self-pity. to moan about the things we must do, the things we havent done, and the things we want to do. so easy to fall into the whirlwind of emotion, to wallow in the mire of laziness.

and to give the excuse. we are but only human.

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we all need to be wanted

we all want to not need 

fright

flight

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and Barack Hussein Obama wins the day. an outcome not many seemed to have been surprised with, but by a margin that i expected to be smaller. who knew, everyone’s that eager for change. are we all searching for change then, banking on the chance that change is for the better?

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this week, like the last, has passed by in a blur. i know i had fun, and i know i didnt do work. somehow the fun fails to imprint itself in my memory, or even if it does, its tainted by the nagging alarm message telling me its time to get a start on the things i have to do. of which there are many, though not too many to be accomplished. and yet i cant bring myself to move into gear.

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sometimes its easier to give up before you try