intertwined
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when sometimes you just dont get it. when you overcommit yourself, like a conquering army spread thin over barren territory. when you always thought you could be better.
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if only it weren’t so hard. if we could all be glaringly honest with everything, with no regard for the social consequences. if only people were easier to understand.
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because it’s too late now
to regret any of it
were made to come true
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So I’ve made up my mind
I will pretend
To leave this world behind
And in the end
You’ll know I’ve lied
To get your attention
I’m faking my own suicide
I’m faking my own suicide
Because I know you love me
You just haven’t realized
I’m faking my own suicide
They’ll hold a double funeral
Because a part of you will die
Along with me
Wish you thought that I was dead
So rather than me
You’d be depressed instead
And before arriving at my grave
You’d come to the conclusion
You’ve loved me all your days
But it’s too late
Too late for you to say
Because I’m faking my own suicide
Because I know you love me
You just haven’t realized
I’m faking my own suicide
They’ll hold a double funeral
Because a part of you will die
Along with me
I’ll write you a letter that
You’ll keep
Reminding you your love for me
Is more than six feet deep
You say aloud that you
Would’ve been my wife
Right about that time
Is when I come back to life
And let you know
I’d let you know
I was faking my own suicide
Because I know you loved me
You just never realized
I was faking my own suicide
I’ll walk in that room and
See your eyes open so wide
I’ve been so lost
Because you know
Because you know
You will never leave my sight
Until the day that I die for the first time
And we’ll laugh, yeah we’ll laugh
And we will cry
So overjoyed with the love
That saved my life
Our love is so alive
relient K
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oh how i love emo songs. and happy songs. and hate everything else. (:
where would we be without music. without this wonderful form of art to express ourselves with. somehow it feels strangely liberating to belt out lyrics at the top of your voice. theres something about voicing the words that makes you almost believe that you mean them. because maybe sometimes, you do.
i want to be able to write songs. i think its an absolutely wonderful thing to be able to put your thoughts, fears and hopes into words. into sentences that sound right together. into notes that flow into a melody. into a rhythm that mirrors the beat of your soul. now wouldnt that be cool.
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so the chinese new year holiday is almost up. what have i done? gorge myself on tons of food. eat lots of chiku chips and new year goodies. avoided doing work for the most part of it. played guitar hero twice, but without the same satisfaction that you get from “jamming” with friends. somehow this year doesnt feel chinesenewyear-like. it could be that i havent seen a single one of my cousins from either side this year. it could be that the only visits didn’t really feel like cny visits at all. not that they werent fun. just not cny enough.
or maybe its this sianness thats been blanketing everything for the whole of january. to think that ive been waiting for this weekend to come, and now that its over, i havent done anything during it. and somehow, it doesnt seem like im any closer to waking up from this dreamland than i was at the start of the term.
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you know you’ve got to help me out
don’t you put me on the backburner
of the future
———————–
so begins my time with windows 7. in order to take a break (read: justify my slacking) from all the work over this cny period, i have decided to run windows 7 for the fun of it. and also, it serves as a good distraction from things i dont want to think about (:
it all starts with the beta download. i must say, microsoft gave me rather surprising download speeds with their java downloader.
then i installed it, running it on VMWare Workstation. the virtual machine software is really quite good. the networking works seamlessly and it can actually detect usb devices properly. unlike a certiain PearPC that i recently tried out.
for a virtual machine running on a laptop with 3gb usable ram and multiple programmes open, it didnt lag as much as i thought it would. whats more, the internet was actually faster on this than it was on my actual comp. maybe internet explorer aint that bad after all.
with the antivirus problem out of the way, only one thing left to do: blog about it. but since i was sleepy, i waited until today to blog it. and wordpress seems to be working fine on this.
such fun. running windows in a window on a windows. (:
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http://picasaweb.google.com/danielyeews/windows7
now that ive had my fun, maybe its time to get a little work done. i must say, messing around with your computer is a lot more fun than thinking about things. which inevitably make you emo. like dreams. i think dreams give you false hope. since you dream about things you want (like a nokia 5800 XD) and you may end up not getting them after all. if only they could all come true. the nightmares might be worth it, if only for the sake of the dreams you really want.
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we could be more
than everything you ever knew.
when words fail
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an email from an ex-classmate arrived in my inbox today. while we may be separated by several time zones, some of the excitement over yesterday’s big event has spilled over. is the world ready for change? will the inaugaration of a new face into the most powerful political office in the world usher in a new era? of the belief that change will arrive, that i am certain. but whether the change will be for the better remains to be seen. after all, with the heavy burden of the world’s hopes pinned on him, lets only hope mr barack can live up to expectation. reading all the articles in TIME on what Obama needs to and should do to alleviate the current Israeli-Palestinian conflict made me realise the pivotal role the US plays worldwide. so much hinges on what they do. the economy. peace. now it could be an oversimplifying of the matter, but maybe only an American recovery can see a global return to normalcy, if the state of affairs before the recent economic meltdown can be considered normal.
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its at times like this that i just want to tell myself. everything’s gonna be alright. itll sort itself out. ill somehow, magically, miraculously find the inspiration to work hard once the cny break is over. somehow, all these distractions will just go away, leaving just me and my work. somehow i wont spend all my time thinking about things that quite possibly shouldnt matter as much as i think they do. somehow ill get my act together and deliver the results i want. somehow i deserve better. but maybe, ill have to do it myself.
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if only to find the strength to carry on. with or without you.
———————–
Everything’s changing
Out of what I know
Everywhere I go
I’m a mobile
proposals
——————
i hereby conclude on limited evidence that no one did any work this weekend. i wonder if that’s supposed to make me feel better about my own lack of effeciency and labour.
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i really hope the nokia 5800 comes before the estimated 10 weeks. and yes adwyn, im obsessed (:
———————
distractions
i feel you
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Today this could be, the greatest day of our lives
Before it all ends, before we run out of time
Stay close to me,
Stay close to me
Watch the world come alive tonight
Stay close to me.
Tonight this could be the greatest night of our lives
Let’s make a new start,
The future is ours to find
Can you see it, can you see it in my eyes
Can you feel it now, can you hold it in your arms tonight
Hold on
Oh stay close to me (Hold On)
Stay close to me
Watch the world come alive tonight
Stay closes me
Ooooooh
Hold your head high, (Hold On)
Arms open wide
Yea the world starts to come alive when you stay close it me
Today this could be the greatest day of our lives
Today this could be the greatest day of our lives
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the past two days have almost made up for the entire suckiness of the week. thanks to all the people who cared, and who let me bitch to them.
island creamery is a nice place. and i must say, i never remembered reverso tasting so good. i must make an effort to eat there more often. and hang out with friends more often, especially nubcaeks like adwyn who are awesome and awesomely entertaining (:
it was rather amusing running into eugenia at the family service centre. and i didnt know she had a twin. how cool is that. i want a twin too. i sure hope the kids are nice when we start doing our cas there. then, we’ll be helping people while having awesome fun at the same time.
the lady giving the library briefing was highly interesting. although the session was mega draggy and long, i think i would have fallen asleep if someone with less verbal skill had been talking to us. and at least i got a compliment on my reading voice. wootz.
dinner was fun too. although i think im going to be fat from koping everyone’s food. and dessert too. to think that i didnt order any desert but still ended up eating about half of a cheesecake. heh. how cool is that.
———————
i need more mindless fun. thinking is taxing on the mind. most of the time at least.
———————
But everytime I fell for you
I’m permanently black and blue
permanently blue for you.
i cant take it
———————–
its been a rather lousy start of the year. between the lack of motivation, the myraid of things happening, the ee, the ias, the strange and random bouts of sadness, there really isnt much left. i mean, you might say this is year 6. its supposed to be like this. but somehow i never thought it would be. i know, it’s meant to be tougher than year 5, and for that i thought i was prepared. but i always assumed it was confined to academics, with more work and more deadlines. apparently not. even while spamming us with work, life still finds a way to throw in events and occurences that catch us off guard.
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instead of gradually improving in my verbal and writing skills, i seem to be losing my capability at coherence. recently the responses that go through my head when im talking, or even typing, usually go along the lines of complaints and expletives. are we not meant to become so used to writing in formal style that we retain it even in our casual encounters? or is all my formality and inspiration being drained by the work that we do, so much so that none is left for the demands of everyday life.
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not to mention, the recent scare of a bug in safari has led me to switch back to firefox, my browser of old. somehow it doesnt seem to work as well now, randomly hanging and lagging my itunes. maybe its trying to tell me to get off the darn internet and onto my work. somehow, the stupid slacker in me is winning. for now.
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im closing the doors. shutting out the good and the bad. maybe its safer in the confines of these four walls. safe from the wind, from the rain, from the sun. apart from the suffering, the fighting, the happiness, the loving. watching through a dirty window pane, nothing but a few centimetres between me and the world. yet, the difference it makes.
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all the pessimistic talks arent doing us very much good. apart from whatever inspirational magic they may be working in our unconscious minds, all they’re achieving is stress and worry. is this merely a natural defence mechanism? a rejection of reality that we cannot comprehend. the disbelief that the final lap is here, that now its all or nothing.
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i hate needing people.
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at the end of the day
when it all crumbles
what do we really have.
————————–
everybody wants to be loved.
tripping
——————–
the nokia 5800 is still not out, despite today’s release of phones.
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with so many things to think about, all the work to do, with nothing to distract myself with. why oh why has it started to suck so early in the year. excuse me while i go quit life.
———————-
How hard must I try
How hard must I try for you
You see me rolling in the dirt
You see me crawling up the walls for you
———————–
if we could turn back the clock
hopefuls
——————-
to all my friends who got their o level results today. congrats on the awesome results (:
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the start of week 2 in my last year of acs life. with all the talk of true-blue acsians, it made me think about my own school experience. ive always been in acs, and about 8 years have been with a similar group of friends. i wonder how ill fare when this experience ends.
——————-
red cliff is totally awesome. i need more epic movies like that. even if the characters have inhuman skills at dodging arrows and fighting off swords with their bare hands. after all, where’s the fun in watching what can happen in real life, on the screen. all i’d have to do for that is open the window and take a look around.
escapism is how we swing.
———————-
i have a new product to distract myself with. obsessions seem to fare well as distractive material from the finer problems of life. the nokia 5800, nokia’s iphone killer. now i know it probably lags, but hey, ive always been using nokia and im used to it. plus it has a camera with a flash, and one of the loudest phone speakers ever. so, despite much of my love for it hinging on the assumption that its cheaper than the much applauded iphone, i think itll be a good enough phone for me. now to find the money to buy it, and the patience to wait till it actually launches in singapore. although i guess dragging this obsession spares me from having to find a new one. silver lining eh.
———————-
when sometimes
you just can’t
let it be
yet to come
———————–
despite attempts to lighten the mood and inspire us year 6s, the release of results today was a rather depressing ordeal. i can only wonder what it’d be like for us next year, squirming in our seats hoping that we will be called on stage, eventually, but not just yet. praying that we did enough to warrant a high enough score. sweating in anticipation.
and so, with the stellar performance of our seniors, the pressure is on us. maybe if we work a little harder, play a little less, pray a little more, we might do even better. but somehow, my lack of motivation worries me. will i get the act straight soon enough to get me what i want? sure hope so.
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congrats to everyone who got their chinese results today. we did awesome. and congrats too to all the year 7s, because even if youre disappointed, you still did amazingly well. well enough for a holiday eh. good job guys.
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we just hope.
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