expressions

of love

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i swear, my phone wants me to change it.

1) in the morning it prevents me from saying anything in a call, so i can hear the other party but he/she cant hear me. but it works again after a restart

2) it fails to connect properly with nokia pc suite, forcing me to reinstall the programme and try again.

3) it hangs and restarts by itself

4) it doesnt vibrate or make a sound when new messages come in, and doesnt show them on the home screen either. gone is the small message icon in the top right hand corner. the only way i can tell is when the screen save comes up

5) and, im starting to get pissed at it when it lags, which i didnt use to do before (signs of my obsession)

ohwell.

——————–

decisions and risks. investments and dividends. oh so frightening.

———————

and like

firsts

in the future

———————–

today was an interesting day, which thankfully wasnt too emo. and i thank the people who made it that way.

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intense event #1: i almost missed my name being called for the acad awards. because the programme said they were starting with year 1s to 4s, i decided to go to the toilet towards the end of drong’s speech. but when i walked back into the audi, i saw shaun lee walking on stage. assuming my eyes/contacts had failed me, i continued walking slowly to my seat. that was when i realised there was no longer anyone sitting there, and the next guy on stage was also wearing an ib tie. so i ran out the door to the backstage, making it to my place in the line with just 3 people to spare. close shave indeed.

intense event #2: guitar playing for reception. i couldnt actually hear the mikes picking up our sound. but it looks like my fears that we would screw up were unfounded ones. evidently we played well enough, and we didnt even have to play wave. which is good cos its a hard piece, but bad because i think performing is fun. and it might be a good practice for the orchestra since syf is coming up. i really hope we buck up in time.

intense event #3: looking at my ee again and deciding to change track. maybe by looking at it with another factor as the most important one, i might be able to salvage the topic. wish me luck, and i really hope ill be able to find sufficient sources to back my argument. sigh.

intense event #4: benjamin button. one heck of a long show. i must admit, it got me thinking of a lot of things during the show. it was as if everything the characters said or did had a greater meaning in relation to our own lives. or maybe ive just been having too much tok. just too bad that i forgot whatever i was thinking about the moment i walked out of the cinema. either way, it was an interesting show, although i might have liked it better if it was shorter. it was mildly sad, probably not as much as the notebook, but still emotional enough. nowhere near clannad level though (heh heh junyi)

intense event #5: I GOT TO PLAY WITH A NOKIA 5800. although i discovered that its near impossible to type on it with the tips (flesh) of your fingers, its perfectly simple if you use nails. which means that with some practice it IS possible to type without looking. and it isnt as lag as some reviews say, isnt that mega thick, and looks just awesome. now to get enough money, and convince my parents to let me get it. I REALLY REALLY WANT IT. and with the new os too. i think the 4 contacts for quick access is a brilliant idea.

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i hope im not misinterpreting and jumping to conclusions. i hope im not too biased to look at things objectively. i hope there really is a chance. 

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I’ll be there for you 
These five words I swear to you 
When you breathe I want to be the air for you 
I’ll be there for you 
I’d live and I’d die for you 
Steal the sun from the sky for you 
Words can’t say what a love can do 
I’ll be there for you 

rainbows

are signs

——————–

i wonder if its even possible. if it’d even last. if it’d even make anyone happy.

but maybe its enough to hope.

i really hope it works.

———————-

today was a rather fun day. apart from the fact that it didnt feel like we were REALLY having lessons, PE was also quite fun. although it made me realise how terribly unfit and weak i am. sigh i really must buff up.

the chem test wasnt too hard, even though i was distracted by the people around me. and then henry’s training got cancelled so i didnt have to go home on my own after all. and my phone battery has lasted until now on one bar. amazing stuff.

joined chin and hongyi at the gym after i came home. well it was more of me failing to gym, and watching them buffing up. and feeling sad about my own inadequacies. still the highlight wasnt the meagre amount of exercise, but rather the long talk that followed while sitting amongst the weights. thank God for friends.

i think ive exercised more in the past week than i did the entire nov-dec holidays last year. maybe ill actually be able to get gold for napfa if i keep it up. (:

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today during my chem test i heard a sec 4 scolding a junior outside the teacher’s office. although i couldnt see them and therefore have no idea if a teacher was there and allowing it to happen, i really think the sec 4 shouldnt have done that. shouting at him outside the staff room, accusing him of disrespect, making him stand there and insisting that you dont want to hear what he has to say. that’s just plain dumb, in my opinion. at least bring it somewhere more private. then again it might be the most effective form of punishment: humiliation. but if it gets people to hate you in the process, what really is the point? maybe that’s why im ineffective. but i’d really rather people not have more reason to dread their cca. as if they need a senior pulling rank on them to deter them even further. 

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thoughts and recollections

obstacles

invisible chances

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why is it so difficult to read another person. if only it were easier to tell what they were thinking, how they were feeling, what they really needed. then maybe it’d be easier to help others. and to help yourself. then again, if everyone knew what everyone else was thinking, there really wouldnt be much fun in talking. in trying to decipher the cryptic messages hidden behind each word. the emotions within each punctuation. the screams within the blanks.

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i really wish i could try. but the signals are mixed and the lights are dim. the signposts are old and rusted, a lone raven perched atop the nearby lamp. the path is worn, trampled by boots from another age. the destination unclear, the process unsure. even so, the drive is sufficient. or should be, if right.

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cross country was strangely fun. a chance to catch up with old friends, just to talk to people you dont usually hang out with anymore. the chance to try out the mega mcgriddles sausage mcmuffin with egg. i must say, its really quite nice. and waking up really early doesnt feel that bad after all.

because we were too distracted by taking photos, kevin henry and i missed the call for the mass run. which led me to conclude that starting a run from the back of the pack can truly be a good thing. having started later than everyone else, we ran to catch up. egged on by my goal of catching up with tony (who i couldnt find in the end) and seeing henry jogging just ahead, i actually managed to last the entire run without dying. if i had had any less motivation, i would have stopped halfway i believe. so i really hope i find someone to chase after during the 2.4 run, it might actually be a lot of help. considering that we actually overtook about half the people at least (i think).

give me my motivation.

——————————–

hope, dangling on a string

give in

give it up

——————–

i hate lame days. lame days are just lame. like when you go to school, try to pay attention in class but somehow dont feel like you are. when your favourite part of the day is recess, but even when it comes you dont know what to do with yourself. when you wander around the school, back and forth between classrooms, toilets and the canteen. when you just feel like lying down in bed and sleeping.

———————

the ball’s in your court. and you dont seem to be in a rush to hit a return before the second bounce. or the third. maybe its just not your game to play. maybe neither of us is gaining for it. maybe its time to switch courts. or maybe just do something else altogether. that wont be as much of a waste of time and energy.

———————

so tomorrow is cross country. hopefully between tonight and tomorrow night, ill be able to study for chem test, even if i dont have the mood to. and hopefully we’ll finish our tok presentation tomorrow afternoon. sigh i really should stop hoping for things and just do them.

———————-

needs

QUIT LIFE.

I THOUGHT BIO TEST WAS ON TUESDAY.

soundtrack

of my summer

————————

so i just downloaded the entire guitar hero world tour soundtrack, albeit missing a couple of songs. so that shall be my soundtrack for tonight, while i attempt to do my bio prac, maybe some chem, and study for next week’s bio test. hopefully the weird and diverse range of music will keep me focused. somehow.

————————

today was an interesting day, although unproductive. first arriving 40 minutes early at NUS and stoning around in the science canteen with ariel until crawshaw arrived. and eventually the rest of the acs team. then rushing through the questions realising that i stand no chance of winning, trying to sleep the remainder of the 45 minutes away, and leaving for lunch. 2 cab rides and a lunch at crystal jade set me back 18 dollars. but at least it was fun, talking with people and eating nice, mega filling food. then leaving in a cab for school, deciding it was raining too heavily and going for fusion. pissing my parents off and eventually going home at 430. 2 episodes of clannad as, then work. such great fun.

———————–

fusion made me realise how far away ive been from God recently. not that ive been out to do bad things and turn away from Him, but rather that i havent been actively seeking him as much as i should. which has got to change, and hopefully WILL. 

this life, its all Yours.

————————

thoughts for the future

impossible

is nothing

——————

ANNOUNCEMENT: ALL GUITARISTS PLEASE VISIT HTTP://GTRORCH.BLOGSPOT.COM and download Cadiz. AND practice for next week. kthxbye.

—————–

so the release date is confirmed. its just too bad its happening at a CLUB, which means i wont be able to go there and win a lucky draw to get the phone for 58 cents. sigh such unfairness.

http://www.nokia.com.sg/earnyourstripes

the more i look at it, there more i want it. one more week to wait, and im not even sure if ill get to buy it. sigh if only.

——————

today was an extremely sleepy day. especially since it started in the poorly lit backstage of the cpa, with a somewhat draggy cas symposium and panel discussion which i was totally unprepared for. and then a mass of HLs, which just made me feel like going home to sleep. not to mention the strange stomach pains. or maybe it was my non-existent abs hurting because i actually tried doing sit ups yesterday. i must buff up eventually, yes?

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im happy for the people around me. maybe sometimes its enough to see life through someone else’s eyes. to live vicariously. to be happy simply because theyre happy. 

i <3 my friends.

——————–

this is for you.

hopefuls

risktakers

—————–

It’s been so long
Since I’ve known right from wrong
Got no job, sometimes I just sit down and sob
Wondering if anything will go right
Or will you dance with me tonight

When the sun departs
I feel a hole down in my heart
Put on some shoes
Come down here and listen to the blues
Wondering if anything will go right
Or will you dance with me tonight

I’m looking at you
You’re looking at me
We’re the only two off the dance floor
Do you see what I see
Two broken lives working in harmony
Might make for a decent time
So get up and dance with me

I know that it seems that the grass will grow 
Better on the other side of the barb wire fence
But that other side is not in sight
So I’m fine with what I have now 
If you’ll dance with me tonight

What’s the point of life
If risk is just a board game
You roll the dice
But you’re just hoping that the rules change
What’s the point if you can’t bring yourself to say
Things you wanna say like 
Dance with me tonight

———————

i took a break last night. and for the most part of tonight. and i feel a lot better. (:

———————

if you’d feel the way i do

masquerade

empty faces

—————————

the week has started horribly. especially if you include last weekend into this week. first, an extremely intense emo night. then an extremely emo school day where EVERYONE is emo. okay maybe not everyone, i exaggerate. lots of people anyway. then a whole bunch of bad news and surprises. like a test i didnt know about. an announcement we all didnt want to hear. and of course, more work for the weary.

—————————-

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

——————————–

i guess its time to get hardcore. someone give me a slap and make me stop thinking about things i shouldnt be distracted by. someone make the problem go away.

——————————–

IB Muggers ftw.

—————————

hearts and blades