spin

alignment

——————–

its been a pretty weird day. but not necessarily in a bad way. we hardly had any lessons. we spent approximately 2 hours in the classroom playing Worms Armageddon. which mark is amazingly good at. some of us came to school for the photo-taking, which failed to materialise in the end. we smiled and laughed at the roundabout. we had fun.

it must be the prospect of freedom in the holidays that is doing this to us. one more day. and then maybe we’ll be free. maybe.

———————

i failed to adhere to my usual rhythm today, and it has thrown me off beat. my mind’s in a spin and i just want to go sleep.

———————

ready or not,

here we come

submission

of butterflies and bumblebees

————————

as i type this, my ee is now printing. arial font size 12, 1.5 spacing, standard margins, double sided. the culmination of what is technically 6 months’ work, rewritten twice over the course of a single week. it is a whole mix of feelings: relief at having finally completed this gargantuan task. satisfaction at knowing that my final product is better than what i started out with. but apprehension with the gut-wrenching feeling that its still not good enough.

still, its the process that matters, as us performing arts people were so appropriately reminded on thursday morning. i have learnt a great number of lessons from this experience. first, that the nlb people are actually rather helpful, and that the library isnt as unfriendly a place as i would have thought. second, that it is a heck of a lot easier to check your work when its in hard copy. third, that the feeling of rushing to meet deadlines and actually doing your work is a horrifyingly stressful yet wonderful exhilarating thing. spending the entire weekend on a single project can be strangely satisfying. fourth, that we are all yearning for reassurance and validation. fifth, that i should be more proactive about my life.

not bad for a 4000 word essay eh. life’s lessons come from the weirdest of places.

———————–

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUNCHING TEO (:

munching’s surprise birthday on friday was awesomely fun. to be able to sit around with friends and just slack if so wonderful. and actually doing something for someone is a great feeling too. we need more birthdays, and more picnics in the gardens. oh simple things, that mean so much.

———————-

and now because i am terribly sleepy, i shall go and crash. once the dreaded 3 copies of ee have been printed. goodbye everyone. one more week till june. and then what?

———————–

im counting the days

wont you count them too? 

note to self

i have discovered that i need sleep, contrary to what i like to tell myself. 

my brain ceases to function normally after 1130 nowadays. what you get after that time is nothing but a jumble of thoughts, wishes, and random facts. and for a number of seconds every once in a while, total emptiness. 

therefore, i shall go sleep.

mind

blocked

———————

because i am trying to not swear so much and be a better person, acronyms shall have to suffice. FML.

———————-

 i wont ever walk away

assessment

when you try

——————–

i found this post in my drafts and realised i didnt post it after writing it on 13th May. for whatever reason i dont know.

today was a highly weird and atypical day. with hardly any time spent in the sac and no purchases made there, and uncharacteristically few real lessons. considering that the majority of history was taken up for the test, and chem was largely recapping, i feel like i didnt do anything at all today. still, sitting in the sun at wahchee was fun, just talking and eating. and seeing rene in beast mode reminds me. june is coming, and with it i must restart my engines. for the first time in a long time. sigh.

the real today was a much less weird day. although i still didnt achieve much, other than doing up cas forms for kidsREAD, and slacking around a lot. but yesterday was a good day, because i got to go out and have dinner with friends at geri’s birthday. its just so fun being with people, even if youre not doing anything other than stuffing your face and inserting sporadic bits of conversation here and there. its like im beginning to understand how important our friendships and relationships are now, so every second counts. more than ever.

———————-

When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away

So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything’s not lost

When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody’s out to get you
Don’t you let it drag you down

‘Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything’s not lost

If you ever feel neglected
If you think that all is lost
I’ll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything’s not lost

Singing out 
Oh, oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Everything’s not lost

 

 

So come on, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Come on, yeah
And everything’s not lost

———————-

sometimes when everything’s going wrong, you’ve just got to stop and believe. believe that things can’t possibly be as bad as you imagine. that even if they are, there’s going to be some good you can find in it. it might be hidden in a corner, blocked by shadows and sorrow, but it is still good nonetheless. and anything good, is good.

————————

thanks to samchan for helping me realised that im more messed up than i would like to believe. although i still think less so than in secondary school. still, i shall work on being better.

————————-

when it all comes crashing down

i’ll be standing

right here to catch you

where

would i be
——————-

week 8 of term 2 has almost ended. and only now is it starting to dawn on me how close all the deadlines actually are. i really should start working harder.

——————–

going holland v today was fun, even though i didnt manage to get my earphones. still, hopefully ill find a cheap set soon enough in the configuration that i’m looking for. and hopefully i actually get allowed to buy it. and funded. because i am broke now. this has helped to alleviate the frustration of the week, of not being able to go out and feeling like i absolutely need to or i’d explode into a million pieces.

thank God for friends.

———————

nick and norah’s infinite playlist is a lovely show. apart from the nice music, the sweetness and the hotness was really too cool. its really nice how both of them are so nice and so alike. and looked so happy together. and of course, watching it together with 4 other classmates made things more fun too. now you couldnt have done that on a macbook eh. what would we do without dual earphone ports and markyeo’s earphone splitter. heh. 

———————

on a separate note, the omnia hd is starting to look extremely appealing. although it might also be insanely expensive. in which case i’d have to fall back on the 5800 when i go phone shopping in june. which is still a brilliant piece of technology nonetheless. (:

———————-

everyday is a new day. and tomorrow will be a better day.
——————–

without you 

weekdays

are gloomy

——————-

the long weekend has ended, and i have nothing to show for it. the past 4 days have gone by in a blur, but in the bad sense of the word. its as though big chunks of time have just vanished from my life, doing absolutely nothing productive. and that would be perfectly fine if this wasnt week 8 of term 2 in our last year of IB life. with the tests and the deadlines and assorted doom and gloom. FML.

——————–

i want to curl up into a ball and hide in a corner. where the world can’t reach me.

———————

so why don’t they.

weekends

are shiny

—————————

everyone is needy. but i guess the key is in trying to meet those needs, and not just sitting there in that pit and wondering why our needs never go away.

—————————

so i’ve watched 2 movies this weekend. seven pounds and yes man. and what a difference. 

seven pounds was a really interesting show, but sad. i liked it though, despite my mother’s claims that it was a bad show because of the ending. still, i think it was really heart-wrenching to watch his friend having to force himself to agree to his rather warped plans. which was nice to watch.

yes man was highly retarded, but extremely funny. we need more funny people like that in real life. maybe then there’d always be something interesting to talk about. their red bull escapades made me feel like drinking red bull and getting high with friends though. i guess i’d have to wait for the next time we visit wahchee (the club). 

————————-

when i grow up, i want to take a month off life and go do all the things i wanted to do. like visit africa. climb a mountain. sit at a beach for an entire day. and then another month off to go find a band, write songs, and cut an album. that would be the coolest thing ever. any takers?

————————–

its 20 days to june. i cant wait.

—————————

they don’t care how much you know

till they know how much you care.

creating

memories

————————

another test is struck off the list, with the knowledge that i could have done better, if i were better prepared, if i were more careful. but its too late for regrets. and too early for them too. 

im starting to crave for that PSLE feeling. coming home early without the worries of CCA. studying for 4 hours in the afternoon, playing soccer in the evening, eating dinner and watching tv, studying for at most an hour at night and then going to bed early. those were the days. now work only starts after 830pm, and usually only at 930. the days end later, and seem to start earlier. there are no afternoons at home to speak of, whether it be of volition or compulsion. we just wait and hope that things will get better.

————————–

i am thankful for friends and classmates. today’s experience at wahchee was unusually carefree, as if we weren’t ib students with an abundance of cares and worries. sitting in the middle of a soccer court, eating dapao-ed food from a shop a mere 20 metres away, hanging 6 drinks onto a single starbucks bottle, and throwing assorted accessories around in a circle. or star. we need more days like that to make the rest of the weeks a little more bearable.

————————–

aching with every step

constrict

crisis moments, if not handled in the right manner, must lead to a war or collapse of an empire. a rearrangement of the existing order must ensue, lest dissatisfaction boil over to greater catastrophic effect.