scrambled

tamago

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i’m really happy for my brother. it was really wonderful hearing good news after such a long time. especially news regarding university, and the future. but somehow as much as i’m glad that he succeeded, it still serves to remind me how i’ve failed. i guess i shouldn’t be comparing in the first place: after all, our situations and interests are fairly different. perhaps if i had pursued a similar path i might have found acceptance too? somehow i doubt so.

now that i look back, i really had absolutely no idea what i was doing at that time. applying for a scholarship when i was not certain of my convictions and aspirations. going in without proper preparation, and not even aligning my scholarship and university applications properly. nonetheless, i trust that He has a plan for me and that all this was just a learning process. all i hope is that now, i’ll be able to meet with some success this year with my applications.

if only it was easier to map out your path in life. that though, might take half the fun out of living it.

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life has been so, free (for lack of a better word), since the end of NDP. and to think that it hasn’t even been a full month since that day. yet i feel that i’ve been released for much longer. somehow the packed schedule does help in some way to keep the mind off things. its only on days when i tell myself that i have nothing to do, that i find myself slipping away. it is, in fact, merely a lie: i know that there is much to be done with the little time i have. but yet i find opportunities to declare myself truly free, just because there’s no one pushing me to meet deadlines and complete my work.

everything just feels so inconsequential now, as though i can just enjoy until the real world starts again. after all, if i fail to do anything from now till next august, school life will still resume anyway.

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dug out my lbv and helmet from my cupboard yesterday. it’s gonna be the first time wearing them after 8 long months of office work. just a reminder of how blessed i am to have such a great ns life. hopefully the skills we learnt so long ago haven’t abandoned me entirely just yet. i’ve a feeling it might actually feel good firing a rifle again. we’ll see.

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its kind of a funny story was a pretty nice show. although it did seem awkward at times that the sober basis of the story was sometimes diluted by comic relief. but all in all i dont regret spending 2 hours of my life on it. i guess i’ve got a newfound attraction to emo-looking shows that make you think. the beaver was pretty decent too, but  the lack of a happy fairy-tale ending bore too much resemblance to reality. sometimes you just want to escape and think that, yes, everything is going to be okay.

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everyone’s changing, have i?

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